


Lay Down (Candles in the Rain)

by babydraco



Category: Historical RPF, Political RPF - US 20th c., The Trial of the Chicago 7
Genre: 1960s, Alternate History, Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Cunnilingus, Discussion of Abortion, F/M, Het, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Sexism, Police Brutality, Revolutionaries In Love, Rule 63, Sexual Harrassment, Unplanned Pregnancy, movie canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:41:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28091823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babydraco/pseuds/babydraco
Summary: Tammy Hayden and the 1968 DNC protest in Chicago.Or,  she's just a girl, charged with inciting a riot, standing in front of a judge, while the whole world is watching.A  companion to my fic"Turn, Turn, Turn"with a different character cisswapped (you don't have to read one to understand the other).
Relationships: Tom Hayden (1939-2016)/Abbie Hoffman
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**All men can live as brothers, I heard him say**  
Melanie Safka

 **Girl  
Don't be scared to move  
Hey, babe  
What are you tryin' to prove?**  
-Crispian St Peters

The SDS kids dressed differently from Abbie's crowd, like they were off to job interviews, which fit with their whole 'we're the protest movement that won't offend your mother' schtick. Their leader, and his friend, Tammy Hayden was coming towards Abbie across the park. Tammy, with her copper hair that she wore like Nancy Sinatra, her Girl Next Door freckles and soft glossy pink lips, the gap between her green plaid dropwaist dress and her knee socks hinting at shapely thighs. 

“I need a man,” she said.

“Huh?” She was direct but not normally _that_ blunt. Not that he was going to turn her down, the last time they'd seen each other, things had gotten heated, he hoped to repeat that. 

“The guy delivering those portable toilets we rented, won't unload them. He claims we haven't paid the bill. When I argued that we had and said we have a receipt, he said, and I quote, 'fuck off, lady'. Emphasis on 'lady'. I can't find Dellinger anywhere. So.”

“He needs to hear 'give us what we paid for' in a deeper voice. Got it.” Nothing pops the fantasy of a pretty girl like when she starts complaining about the plumbing. 

“Thanks.” She sauntered off. He watched her ass swaying until she turned around and stared at him.

“ _Abbie_.”

“Yeah, yeah, coming.” He stubbed out his cigarette and followed. 

The first day had passed uneventfully so far. Things were going so well, Tammy felt safe asking Abbie to go for a walk around the block with her. She spotted an ice cream cart, and she tugged Abbie toward it. Knowing he didn't have any, Tammy took money from her purse and slipped it to him discreetly. 

“I thought you'd want to be feminist about this?” 

“I also don't want you to feel embarrassed,”Tammy replied. And so Abbie went and bought the ice creams, and they didn't have to get sneering looks from the vendor for making Abbie look weak or herself look emasculating. 

“You folks here for that festival thing?” The vendor asked, scooping out one vanilla ice cream and one chocolate with sprinkles. 

“It's actually a protest,” Tammy said earnestly. “We're protesting the Democratic National Convention. I'm Tammy Hayden from the Students for a Democratic Society, and this is Abbie Hoffman from the Yippies.” 

The vendor looked them up and down curiously. He didn't shake her hand when she held it out but he did shake Abbie's. No surprise there. 

“Sir, you don't t look like a Republican. Democrats are protesting Democrats?”

“It's a collaborative effort between anti war protesters and civil rights advocates to convince the DNC to reconsider nominating Hubert Humphrey,” Tammy explained. “Young people are fed up and want someone to listen to them.” 

“By sabotaging your own party?” He asked, looking to Abbie as he said it. She should've taken that as a hint, but her mouth kept running. 

“We aren't trying to sabotage anything, we're just exercising our right to participate in democracy. We don't agree with their choices, that's all. The situation is bordering on an emergency, if anything, they're sabotaging themselves by refusing to open up a dialogue,” Tammy argued. 

“Huhh. Well, you have a nice day, ma'am.”

Tammy let out a little grunt of frustration after they walked away with their ice creams. 

“You did great, it's not your fault he didn't want to listen to our ideas,”Abbie said. And she _knew_ Abbie had backed off to let her take point, for all the good it did. “Tammy, you've accomplished a lot, look at how many people came to Chicago because you asked them to, don't let dudes like that get to you.” 

“ I mean, I know,”Tammy groaned. “They're calling us the Leaders of the Young Left, which is kind of cool and flattering. Though, that goes to show they have no idea how the Left works. We're not authoritarian.” 

“I feel like I'm trying to herd cats, but I could never respect anyone who never questioned me. No one should have to cut off parts of themselves to have a voice.”

“Actually, you're great at herding cats,”Tammy said. “And at least we really haven't had any problems with the protest yet. I mean, the cops are hanging around, staring at us, but otherwise...I think we're really pulling this off, whether or not it changes anything.” 

“I think you're being naive,”Abbie said. “When you think you're safe, that's when they stab you in the back. Like you're going steady with a girl, and one day she invites you to meet her parents, and her mother's like, 'But where are your people from _originally_?” Abbie asked, in a perfectly pitched imitation of a Rich Racist White Lady. Tammy snickered. “I'm the wrong type of white, you see. And she votes for guys who look the other way when someone defaces our community center with swastikas.” 

“ People assume I'm, you know, something British Isles based,”Tammy said. She had to tread carefully here, he'd opened up to her with a confession and a warning, she needed to offer something too. “Right type of white, so they don't ask. But, joke's on them, I'm adopted, I have no idea about my people or my background. All I know is that I was unwanted before my parents picked me out at the orphanage. They were looking for a boy, and they misread the form.” 

“So, basically, even though you seem like this WASP princess, you're just trying to find your place like the rest of us. I bet you're tougher than you seem, too.”

“I guess, maybe, yeah, ” she said, subtly bumping her hip against his. “You wanna fight me behind that gas station?”

“That's...not the kind of tussling I was hoping to do.” He grinned down at her hopefully. 

“You-you just went for it, didn't you,”Tammy laughed. “Well, you're not misreading things and you weren't last time.” No, it was just that he was a first date guy and she was normally a third or even fifth date girl. They wouldn't have such a strong friendship now, if she'd said yes to him the moment she'd clued in that he wanted her. But if they never tried sex, he'd just be a big brother figure, which would be disappointing too. 

“Did you know your nose crinkles up when you laugh? It's interesting because you're always so serious and hardworking. This is the most relaxed I've ever seen you, I think. ” Abbie casually slipped his arm around her waist. Tammy leaned into him. “Come to a thing and meet some people tonight?”

“Is Creepy Ira going to be at the thing with the people?” 

“Philly Ira? I never noticed anything creepy about The Unicorn,” Abbie said. 

“ And yet you knew exactly who I was talking about. But it's probably one of those girl instinct things. Stuff you wouldn't notice as a guy.”

“Like what?”

“Never mind. It's not important.” It was too hard to explain to him, and men were on _thin ice with her today_. Maybe she was misreading the situation, letting all the paranoia get to her. After all, she knew plenty of dangerous guys, like Bobby Seale, leader of the Black Panthers, or this man she was currently leaning against, and nothing bad had happened. There was probably nothing wrong with Ira Einhorn that wasn't wrong with Abbie or Jerry Rubin. 

“Then whatever, don't go. Let's take pictures,” he said, heading toward a coin operated automatic photo booth. They squeezed into the tiny, dark space. They'd never been so completely alone like this.

“I can't imagine the germs in here. I better sit on your lap,”Tammy breathed nervously. 

"Why, Miss Hayden, are you trying to seduce me?" Now they were deliciously close, both hearts beating a little faster. She felt the outline of his body, and his bulge brushing her hip. She could tell by the way confident way he held her, that if things went further, he'd know what to do. Tammy dropped 25 cents in the machine, and pressed the button. They made peace signs, and bunny ears, and silly faces, and in the very last shot, Abbie surprised her with a kiss on the cheek. 

They must have been in there too long, because a cop was watching them suspiciously when they emerged. To spite him, she turned, and gave Abbie a deep kiss that quickly turned into more than a joke as he responded just as enthusiastically. He slid his hand down to squeeze handfuls of her ass, explicitly calling attention to her body, appreciating it and making her aware of every part. She rose up on her toes to press against him, daring to let him feel her nipples through her thin dress. His hand slipped between her thighs. She felt that tingling in her lower belly as his mischievous fingers approached their goal.

“Move along, you two!” The cop barked. 

“We get any more worked up, we'll need to go somewhere else,”Abbie whispered. 

“Then, let's go,” Tammy moaned in Abbie's ear. She thought they might go back to the place she was staying, because none of the other girls would be there. “ _Now_.”

“Meet me in the sex tent!” Abbie gasped, racing off.

“Why do we have a sex tent? I didn't sign off on that!” Though he had a few seconds head start catching her by surprise, Tammy was athletic, and caught up with him quickly. If anything, she was more aroused by the chase and the competition. 

“People need somewhere to fuck, doing it out in the open is illegal, don't you know that?” 

She let Abbie lead her into the warm, dark tent, which was filled with Oriental cushions and battery operated lanterns, and smelled like patchouli incense. Tammy lay back on the cushions, letting her dress fall up around her hips. He visibly gulped, falling to his knees between her legs. 

“Gawd, you're beautiful. Like if The Birth of Venus was porn. I could _start a riot for you_. Can I-”

“Yeah. Okay.”

Guys always said that. They'd get on top of her, moan about how beautiful she was, and rut until they were finished, leaving her unsatisfied. Tammy expected more of the same, but it was a small price to pay to help Abbie feel good. She could take care of herself in the shower later. But instead of unzipping his jeans, he pressed his face against her sex, nuzzling her through her underwear. It sent a shiver through her entire body. He pulled her white panties aside, and kissed her wet slit. 

Tammy's face heated. 

“What are you doing?” She asked. 

“Wait, you don't know?”

“No, I do. It's – a guy's never- People don't actually do that.”

“They do too.”

“They don't.” Was he laughing at her? She could feel his laughter against her skin. 

“ _Yes, they do, I promise_. No wonder you're so uptight, with your history of lazy boyfriends. They don't know how good you taste.”

“Can I...?”

He lifted his head and leaned forward to kiss her. She tasted herself on his lips. It-it wasn't that bad, a hint of strawberry from her soap. 

“I'll stop if you want me to.”

“N-no, don't. Um, please don't stop,” Tammy whimpered. In moments, she lost the ability to speak, as his expert mouth explored her. Tammy tangled her fingers in his curls, only having just enough presence of mind to not tug too hard on them. He made her see stars, and again when she freed the obviously painful bulge in his jeans and demanded he get inside her, forgetting all about being ladylike. They fit together like their bodies were designed for each other and he gave her everything she asked for. She was completely undone. 

“You wanna smoke?” Abbie asked after. Tammy lay with her head tucked under his chin, he absently played with her breasts. 

“You know I'm not really into that. Anyway, I have to go,”Tammy said, reluctantly extracting herself from his arms. “I'm giving a speech in like, forty five minutes.”

“Give'em Hell, Babe.” He rolled over and fell asleep. Fair enough. 

Rennie caught up with her while she was making a circuit around the park. 

“I was trying to find you, but then the noises from outside the tent I heard, indicated you two were engaged in something uh, private, so I waited.” She pushed her glasses up her nose, blushing. “And now you're all happy and glowing.”

“Well, you were right. The best part is, _he went downtown_.” 

“Like Petula Clark?” Rennie asked. 

“I mean, he went down on me.” At the younger woman's blank expression, Tammy tried to explain it in a way she'd understand. “It's called 'cunnilingus', when a man uses his mouth to stimulate your vagina. I thought it was a myth, but it's not and it's incredible. I've never been so into it, I guess I just need more than what I was getting before.” 

“I don't know...” Rennie said skeptically. “ I've never done anything with anyone, so what do I know?”

“Did you read that sexual health pamphlet I gave you?” 

“Yeah, I tried to follow the instructions about-about the clitoris. But I think it would be more fun with another person.” She could try a vibrator, but they were big, expensive, and loud, and you had to plug them into a wall. 

“It'll happen for you. You might meet someone here.”

“Easy for you to say. You look like a grown woman.” Rennie drew invisible curves in the air. “ I look like a teenage boy.”

“Some people are into that. Have you heard of Twiggy?”

“Do you love each other?” Rennie asked. 

Rennie was too innocent to be here, Tammy shouldn't have let her come. 

“I don't know,”Tammy said. “We liked having sex with each other, and that's not always the same thing. Most of the time, it's not. Sex is a skill, if two people know how to do all the right things while in bed together, it doesn't make them compatible anywhere else, it doesn't mean they're in love. Abbie and I are friends, and I hope we stay that way and get to have sex again sometime. That's all I can say.” 

As she walked with Rennie to the bandstand, the scent of sex with Abbie still on her, the feeling of him still inside her, nipples hard, headband missing, she felt strangely powerful. Tammy had no idea that this night would end with events that would change her entire life.

It started when, frustrated with how closely the police were watching them, she decided to let the air out of the tires of a cruiser. Two cops saw her, and she found herself slammed face down against the hood of the car, both arms wrenched behind her back. 

“Sorry, ma'am,” One of the cops said, not sounding sorry at all, “I gotta frisk you. You might have a weapon.”

“Where would she keep it in that outfit?” The other cop asked. 

“You'd be surprised. Hey, little girl, does your Daddy know where you are?” His sweaty hand trailed up her thigh, over the same bare skin she had consented to Abbie touching a few hours ago. Tammy shuddered, fighting the instinct to do something stupid and fight back. His hand crept between her legs and she tried to pull away. In her peripheral vision she saw a crowd gathering, which furthered her humiliation. But also, her friends were coming to witness this, no one could claim later it hadn't happened. And that was good. 

“The crowd's getting nasty. We better come back tomorrow and arrest her less publicly.” 

“You think she's someone's girlfriend?” His hand squeezed her breast. 

“Not Bobby Seale's, she's white. Or Dellinger's, he's happily married. Rubin thinks he already has a girlfriend.” They both sniggered at some private joke. "Or she's that Tommy Hayden's from the SDS. Still don't even know what he looks like. But Rubin has his eye on us now, so my bet is she's Hoffman's whore. 

_It's me. He looks like me. I'm the alleged Tommy, you misogynists who can't spell!_

“When we get Hoffman in custody, and we will, someone should ask him if her carpet matches her drapes.”

It was only after she was let go, when Jerry guided her away from the crowd, that she allowed herself to tremble. 

“You okay? Cops are scary dicks.” He seemed to know better than to try and touch her, good, if he'd gone in for a hug or something, she would have shattered. 

“I'm fine. It was _gross_ though, I need a shower even more than I already did. He called me a little girl and I'm in my twenties! They think I'm Abbie's girlfriend.”

“You don't want to be his girl?”Jerry asked. “He really digs you, even when you're bossy.”

“I want that if he wants it. That's not my point.”

“I don't get it.”

“My point is, the cops were just assuming I belong to him because it didn't occur to them there might be any other reason why the crowd was getting ugly. I helped organize this protest, I brought the SDS here, and they think that was all done by some nonexistent guy named Tommy. The cops let me go because they're scared of the guys they think I'm screwing.”

“So? Make them scared of you. Actually, ” he took off his denim jacket and handed it to her, “let's fuck with them now. And if you don't know how to throw a punch, I'll show you tomorrow.” 

“I can throw a punch. You could teach me some more advanced stuff.”

Then Rennie got beat up trying to stop the cops assaulting a child, who had been doing nothing worse than climbing the flagpole. And Tammy snapped, storming back to the stage to make a new, angrier speech, shouting about paying for things in blood.

But as she strode across the park, wearing Jerry's jacket like armor, headed to the med tent to check on Rennie, the cops looked _a lot_ more afraid of her. In that moment, she didn't care if it all came back to bite her later. 

The police came back to arrest her early the next morning, away from the public eye. 

“Tommy Hayden, if that's even your real name, we'd like you to come with us, please.” 

“I mean, that's not my name, but I'm the one you're looking for,”Tammy said. She held her arms out for the handcuffs.


	2. Chapter 2

_Well, it's been building up inside of me  
for, I don't know how long  
I don't know why, but I keep thinking  
something's bound to go wrong_  
The Beach Boys

They were all waiting for him when Abbie showed up to the park the next day.

“Um, Tammy got arrested,” Jerry said. 

“I know, Buddy, last night.” He hadn't been able to find her , but Jerry had said she was alright, so he'd tried to stop worrying about it. 

“No, this morning. Like an hour ago. They came back for her.” 

"We'll make an announcement and get some people started on signs. Then we'll go get her. All of us together," Abbie said. Oh Tammy. It was the right thing, the smart thing, to do, not to resist her arrest. Never give the cops a reason to claim you started it. But it was very Tammy, bless her heart, to assume if she played by the rules, everyone else would too. For her sake, Abbie would. For now. 

“You guys disappeared for an hour yesterday, where'd you go? I needed to ask you something,”Dellinger broke in. He was out of breath. 

“They were busy going downtown,”Rennie said. Little brat, she _knew_. Of course, Tammy had told her everything, like girls did. He hoped the report was good. 

Jerry remained quietly amused and in no way helped. The night before, Abbie had confessed (without going into detail because he really liked her) that although the 'sex tent' was for everyone, he'd really done it to impress Tammy. She was a real lady, a man should put in some effort. 

“I don't want to sound like the old geezer of the group,” Dellinger said, “but if you're going to leave the park, can you let someone know? Oh, and who booked this godawful band? Again, I know I'm old but it's just noise!” 

“They're called the-” Rennie checked the overstuffed notebook she always carried - “The MC5. Garage rock from Detroit.”

“See, I like that they don't know how to play and they don't care,”Abbie said. “It's ballsy.” 

The morning of her arrest, Tammy dressed in pants, and a sweater with a turtleneck underneath, despite the warm weather. She was aware it was an attempt to protect herself from groping hands, and that her color choices of blue and white, deliberately evoked an image of innocence and harmlessness. She reinforced that by braiding her hair. That girl who vandalized a police car and yelled about blood while reeking of sex and weed? Never met her. 

The plan was to sit in a cell for a few hours, get bailed out, and deal with what should be a relatively minor charge. 

There wasn't much to do in her jail cell besides pick at her pink nail polish and try not to have too much contact with the dirty walls. Tammy definitely noticed then, when a familiar face passed by. 

Wasn't she from the protest? The blonde woman who dressed like she was SDS but was always hanging all over Jerry? It hadn't struck her as odd before, there were always new kids she didn't get a chance to meet, and Jerry wasn't without female attention. But this woman was wandering around a police station like she was very familiar with the place and clearly not there to bail Tammy out. The cop's 'joke' from the night before came back to her, _Rubin thinks he has a girlfriend_. 

“Hey!”Tammy snapped. “Fake Name McLying-Traitor.” 

“If it isn't The Virgin Mary. And it isn't.” She came over to watch Tammy through the bars. “You can stop pretending, now that you're fucking Abbie.”

“What are you, twelve?” Tammy asked. 

“Why are you with this guy? C'mon, girl to girl, does he have a big cock and really knows how to use it?”

“Well, unlike you,”Tammy explained, “ I'm not getting paid by my boss to sleep with a man. I like him, we have shared values. For example, hating bullies and liars.”

“I hate bullies and liars too," she bristled.

“You _work for them_. By the way, is it Officer, or Agent?” 

“Agent. The police are here to protect and serve. And I'm proving women in law enforcement can do more than make coffee and work dispatch. I'm a role model for girls who want to be cops, who want to do the same job as a man. It's just as feminist as whatever it is you think you're trying to do.” 

“Were you there last night, watching?” Tammy asked. 

“I might've been there.” She shrugged. 

“Then, tell me, girl to girl,”Tammy said, “when you saw what your colleagues were doing to me, where was your feminism then?”

“You deserved it. You were breaking the law.” She didn't even sneer it, she said it like it was just a fact. 

“You think there are women who deserve to get groped, and women who don't? And one act can change you from one to the other? Do you know the stats on domestic violence for wives of cops? Unless you help change the way being a cop works, you're only helping yourself. For what it's worth, I don't like you. But if I saw _my_ men doing to you what yours did to me, I'd stop them.”

“They're your men now?”

Tammy stared, chin tilted defiantly. _Of course they were_ , not to control, but hers to protect and care for. Tammy heard chanting in the street, a lot of people, coming closer, she rejoiced inwardly at what she heard them shouting, “Free Tammy Hayden!” 

_Oh, Abbie, I love you, even though I know this is as much a publicity stunt as it is about our friendship_. 

“I knew when I met you, that you're the queen, whether or not you knew it yourself. But here's the thing, when you capture the queen, you win.”

“Only if you're playing chess, and maybe we're not,”Tammy said, just as a uniformed officer ran in breathlessly. 

“Giant crowd coming, but we got the street blocked off, they're turning back. Hoffman's coming in alone.”

“Well, I gotta go,” Agent Weaselface chirped. “When they get back to the park, they have to think I've been with them the whole time. Tootles! ” She'd blown her cover, but it no longer mattered, they'd never see her again once she accomplished her goal. Whether that goal was to calm things down or make them worse, it meant the cops expected something to happen. Nobody at the park knew Tammy was free on bail, and they were itching for a fight. 

“Thanks for this, I mean it,” Tammy said as she left the station with Abbie. 

“Hey, I'm just trying to get back in your pants,”Abbie replied. 

Once they were clear of the police station, Tammy told Abbie everything she'd just learned about Jerry's new friend, the undercover cop. 

“ Abbie, she's already at the park!”

The damage was already done by the time they arrived. The scene that greeted them was one of total disaster, with tents and tables toppled, trash strewn everywhere and EMTs tending to the wounded. The smell of tear gas still lingered in the air. 

From there, the situation only deteriorated. Battles and skirmishes broke out all over the neighborhood. As night fell, Dellinger and his people were trapped by razor wire covered bulldozers. Tammy, Abbie, Jerry, Rennie and eleven other people managed to get out of the park via the footbridges, running for their lives in the dark toward the convention hotel. They weren't trying to hurt anyone, they were trying to reach safety, to raise some sort of alarm, the people at the convention had no idea what was going on outside. The police blocked them in right outside the big front windows. As the cops took off their badges, the guys stepped in front of her, but it didn't matter. 

Tammy didn't really remember going through the window, it happened too quickly and it hurt too much. All she remembered was sitting sprawled on the floor of the convention bar, in front of people she'd always hoped to impress, blood running down the right side of her face. 

Abbie dreamed he was stuck in Chicago forever, endlessly forced to sit through the same trial over and over, aimlessly wandering the same streets. He kept buying ice cream from that guy in the park, and it was always crawling with ants. Somewhere in his dream, someone was playing Jose Feliciano with a strange humming thump underneath. He woke up on the couch in their lawyer's house-slash-office, to realize someone really was playing a record and the thumping was a washing machine. Wasn't he supposed to be alone in the house? 

Tammy was in the laundry room, standing with her back to him in a white button down shirt, socks, and no pants. Her hair was up in a high pony tail. She bent to transfer clothes from the washer to the dryer, offering a glimpse of demure pink panties. He paused to enjoy the view before clearing his throat loudly.

“Eeek!” She started, and did this cute hand flap thing. “I thought you were a burglar.”

“Would a burglar warn you he was there?”

“I don't know, I've never been burgled!” 

“He wouldn't warn you.”

Tammy rolled her eyes. 

“Mom called,” she said. “My parents are 'shocked and disappointed in my behavior'. Apparently I was a bad investment. I'm on my own from here on out.” She pressed her hands against the top of the dryer, shoulders stooped. 

“I'm sorry.” Abandonment would hurt just as much as an adult as it would as a helpless child. She thought she had parents offering unconditional love, they thought they were buying a prize show pony. She had embarrassed them, so they threw her out with the trash. “People, like, normal people, don't understand what's happening here. They believe what they see on tv.”  


“I talk and talk, and no one listens. No one understands,” she choked out. 

“I know. I know the feeling. I'm around if you like, if you need to vent.”

“Thanks.” 

He wandered back to the couch, and tried to absorb himself in an issue of MAD magazine. The record started over with Feliciano's Doors cover. But the house was filled with a strange, anticipatory tension now that he knew they were alone together. It wasn't long before Tammy came and found him like he hoped she would. 

“Abbie?” Tammy leaned against the doorway, telltale hitch in her breath. “Can we do something other than talking?”

She didn't mean playing table tennis, she wanted to know someone still wanted her. And God, he did. His body already stirred, hardening in his pants. 

“Sure. You could come over here...” She approached shyly, unbuttoning her shirt to reveal her white lacy bra, her belly, and the panties she was sliding down her hips. She kicked them daintily to the side. Abbie pulled his shirt off, unzipping his jeans, getting his cock ready for her as she straddled his lap. Tammy leaned forward, they kissed long and deeply, he trailed his mouth down her throat, over her heart, listening to it beating. Abbie unhooked her bra, baring the breasts that were, to him, perfect. He mouthed at her pale nipples until she arched her back, moaning. 

“Please!” It took him a moment to realize he was the one who'd moaned it. 

When she was ready, Tammy lifted herself up, and guided him into her damp, trembling pussy. Their eyes met, her pupils were blown, as she rode a specific type of high.

“Try moving your hips,” he groaned. He used his hands to guide her in undulating back and forth and smiled at her delighted gasp. From her previous lackluster experiences with men so unappreciative they didn't think to give her orgasms, she had probably never just _taken_ her own pleasure from a lover like this. She picked up the pace once she got the hang of it, digging her nails into his shoulders. He steadied her with a hand on her back. 

“Take what you need, Baby.” He'd come no matter what, in fact, he was struggling to hold back. He slipped his fingers inside her, found her clit and stroked it, trying to match the rhythm of her hips. She screamed and came hard on his cock, a few moments later he followed, spurting into her. Tammy collapsed against him, wetting his shoulder with her tears. Abbie rubbed her back gently. At least she was letting it out now. 

“Are we bad people? Are we doing the wrong thing?” Tammy asked.

“No. It's too late to turn back now, anyway.”

“I'm scared.” 

“Yeah..” He wanted to say _me too_. He wanted to have a modern attitude, but he was older, more experienced in so many things, and the man, he was supposed to be her strong protector. Wasn't he? 

Rennie saw Tammy hiding the shameful pregnancy test under the deodorant and toothpaste in her shopping basket. 

“Is that what I think it is?” 

“Rennie, I'm late. Really _late_ ,” Tammy hissed. Her cycle was pretty regular and she always kept meticulous track of it. And sure, stress could affect that, and stressed out people often didn't feel well or had weird cravings. But it all added up to a worrying conclusion. 

“I thought you had those pills.”

“I did, but I ran out and I can't get more until I see my doctor in person, which I can't, because I'm not allowed to leave Illinois,"Tammy said. Technically, she wasn't legally supposed to have the pills, but her doctor prescribed them anyway, because she was a 'responsible young lady'. "I knew that, and I had sex with Abbie without telling him I wasn't on anything. It's going to look like I'm trying to trap him.”

“For what? All his money and unblemished reputation?” Rennie asked. 

“Good point. ” 

Rennie made her tea and wrapped her in a blanket while they waited for the test results. Abbie and Jerry got back from their own shopping trip before the time was up, to find Tammy curled up miserably, being soothed by her friend. 

“What happened?” Abbie asked. 

“Go away!” Tammy said, her anxiety making it come out a little too meanly, which he didn't deserve just for walking through a door. 

“Look, whatever has your sensible panties in a bunch, it's not my fault,”Abbie snapped back, confused by her sudden rejection. “Are you on the rag or something?”

“I think I'm _pregnant_ , asshole!”

“That... actually would be my fault.” Abbie sat down hard. “I guess we gotta talk.”

"Is this is the test?" Jerry came out of the bathroom holding the plastic stick.

"You know Tammy peed on that, right?" Rennie said. Their laughter at Jerry's grossed out expression broke the tension, finally. 

"So, how does this work?" Jerry asked. "What does the little plus sign mean?" 

Tammy had hoped the pharmacy cashier wouldn't recognize her, but three days later, gossip columns were printing the item 

CHICAGO 8? ARE PROM QUEEN AND CLOWN PRINCE OF THE LEFT IN SECRET BABY DRAMA?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure people are in the mood for this right now, but I finished the chapter so I'm going for it. 
> 
> The Jose Feliciano song I was hearing during the love scene is his cover of The Doors' [ Light My Fire](https://youtu.be/7RtTWDv-yWM)
> 
> The Beach Boys [ Don't Worry, Baby](https://youtu.be/X9E1by7PocE)
> 
> The undercover cop's name is, canonically (according to the movie), Agent Daphne O'Connor. 
> 
> The MC5 actually were at the Chicago protest, at least according to their own chilling account of watching the riot break out.


	3. Chapter 3

_They say every man needs protection  
They say that every man must fall  
Yet I swear I see my reflection  
Somewhere so high above this wall_  
-Bob Dylan

“I can't get over how Tammy and Rennie look like those two chicks from Scooby Doo,” Jerry mused. They were idly watching the women whispering to each other at the other end of the defense table. 

“What's Scooby Doo?” Abbie asked. Tammy looked small, and lost in her pleated skirt and matching sweater. He was sorry for the fight they'd had, sorry for grabbing her like he was going to hit her or something when he never would have. 

“It's this new cartoon. Four people and their talking dog drive around in a van and hunt ghosts. It's never a real ghost, it's always just some crazy old dude in a mask. He always says 'I would've gotten away with it if not for you meddling kids!”

“Can anyone else hear the dog talk?” Abbie asked. Her soft little hand on his arm, trying to ask for something, him running away out of a fear he'd make everything worse. He'd heard her crying from the stairs. 

“Unclear,” Jerry said. “Hey, man, go apologize to her before you don't have a girlfriend anymore.” 

“Do I have a girlfriend now?”

“ _She did your laundry._ Don't think we didn't all notice. That's a girlfriend thing.” She had, and she'd left a note that said 'You're welcome', which Abbie hadn't known whether to interpret as sarcasm or not. “ And you have to take care of her now that she's pregnant, that's your job, man. Go over there.” 

“He's coming over here,”Tammy muttered as she watched Abbie approach. 

“You need me to stick around?” Rennie asked. Tammy shook her head no. Rennie excused herself to go get a Coke. 

“I like your headband,” Abbie said, hovering in front of the table, hands in his pockets. 

“Thanks.” She touched the blue satin fabric self consciously. “What are you doing?”

“On this earth? In this room? Because sometimes I do look up at the stars and wonder, 'what are we all doing here?”

“Talking to me.” 

“I told my family about the baby.” Abbie perched on the edge of the table. “They've seen you on the news, and they think you're lovely but wicked skinny.”

“Too skinny.” So these people weren't the type to make snide remarks if you ordered dessert or went back for seconds. Abbie's mom probably didn't even conduct monthly weigh ins or frown in disappointment when you couldn't fit into the sample size. 

“The doctor wants you to gain some baby weight too. Maybe we can get you a sandwich during the recess. ...I don't wanna fight with you. I didn't handle that well.”

“I don't wanna fight with you either, Abbie. I don't know why I did, I guess I'm just frustrated with everything.” She had brought a lunch for him, and she realized that when he found that out, he was going to try to make her eat it instead. They never said things like 'I love you', but when she fell asleep over her course books, he carefully bookmarked them, carried her over to the couch and covered her with a blanket. 

“And I think there was something else you wanted.”

“Yeah. I did,” Tammy said primly. “I dealt with it myself. But that's not an appropriate conversation for now,” She glanced out the window, blushing. 

“Right. Later. I...I'll try almost anything you're curious about, though.” Abbie placed his hand over hers, rubbing his thumb gently over her skin. Tammy bit her lip. He saw something in her, that he was gently encouraging and she didn't know how to deal with it. “Can we? It won't hurt the baby, right?”

“According to the very latest research, it should be fine if we're careful. But my stamina and the positions I can get into are about to be a lot more limited.” 

“You know,” Abbie said, clearly sensing her anxiety and deftly diverting it, “Deborah Johnson's pregnant too, but she's further along than you.”

“Aww, that's nice for her and Fred. They're such a cute couple. Really young though. She's what, 19?”

“He's barely 22 and he's accomplished more than we ever did at that age.”

“I should meet up with her, invite her for tea and make my brownies. We can have a joint baby shower! Do you mind?”

“Babe, I've learned since we met, I don't let you do anything. You do things and I find out later. Then, I'm either relieved because I didn't want to be the one to have to do it, or I'm only slightly annoyed because it sounded like fun and you didn't invite me. Like when you went fucking nuts and vandalized a cop car. But you need my help with something, don't you. ” 

“Yes. There's a box of donated maternity clothes I need help carrying. You can take Fred for a beer, I'll give you money.”

“Tammy?”

“Hmm?”

“I didn't mean to call you pushy and shrill. You have a very melodious voice.”

__

_“If blood is going to flow, let it flow all over the city!” Tammy cringed at the sound of her voice on the recording. It was from the night before the riot, when, humiliated and filled with incandescent rage, she'd grabbed the microphone and started ranting._

_“You meant _our,_ blood,” Abbie stated. Tammy nodded, why hadn't that been obvious to everyone?_

_“And you said it after those cops hit Rennie and threatened to rape you,” Jerry said. He'd been there, unable to hear what they were saying to her but able to see, and helpless to do anything about it._

_“Excuse me, after they tried to fucking _what_?” Abbie asked, immediately tensing and frowning. “Somehow, I wasn't told that part. I know I wasn't your boyfriend yet but I feel like the only person here who didn't know you were actually in danger that night.”_

_"I didn't know anything about that either," Dellinger said. He stuck his head around the door, phone in hand. "If you were my daughter, I'd sue." Dellinger was a good dad, Tammy had no idea at this point how her own father would have reacted, except in the context of potential damage to his property._

_“It's...It's...I got angry. I lost my head. I said things.”_

_“If you testify, you might have to do it front of the pigs who hurt you,” Jerry said. All the faces looking at her with such deep, fearful concern, were male, except one. If this was a sneak peek of what was to come in court, Tammy knew she couldn't do it. It was too mortifying._

_“How do we explain that Tammy didn't mean to incite a riot, without making her get up there and talk about the other thing?” Rennie asked._

_“Under the circumstances, it's not wise, for now, to let Tammy testify,” Kunstler said. They'd been counting on Tammy's aura of All American, family friendly, innocence to help sell their side of things. Now, they were going to have to put Abbie on the stand instead.  
_

Abbie showed up at Bernadine's apartment, where Tammy was staying temporarily. Tammy let him in, since Bernadine had a date and, if it went well, wouldn't be home that night. He looked nice, almost normal for once in brown corduroys and a plain button down shirt under a cheap winter coat. 

“Just put your coat on that chair. We have beer, sodas and cheap wine. I don't recommend the cheap wine, Bernadine has no palate.”

“Beer's fine,” Abbie said. Tammy went to get it from the kitchenette fridge. 

“Why didn't you tell me you were basically assaulted?” Abbie asked faux casually.

“I didn't want you to get mad.” Tammy used a bottle opener to pop the tops off a beer for him and a Pepsi for herself. 

“That makes no sense. It's not you I would've been angry at, there's no way I'd blame you for that.”

“I know it makes no sense,” Tammy admitted. “I thought...that you getting angry at the cops would make things worse. They would've loved having an excuse. And then it all went to Hell anyway, it didn't seem important anymore.It's such a small thing to deal with compared to everything else that happened after.”

Abbie wandered over, Tammy handed him the beer bottle. She couldn't help it that her eyes were drawn to his mouth on the bottle.

“But now you'll never get justice.”

“Lots of people never do,” she said. “ I wasn't actually raped. A lot of people won't even understand what was so upsetting, that I really thought I would...be, because they weren't there. The cops can twist it to claim they did nothing wrong. Should I derail our trial so everyone can dig into my boring sexual history, and try to convince themselves that since I agreed to have sex with a friend, then committed a mild crime, that meant I was giving strangers permission to grope me? I can't go through that. Not when I'm already an unwed mother on trial for starting a riot.” 

“You have a lot invested in being seen as respectable. In being a good girl with two capital Gs.”

“Maybe,” Tammy whispered, wrapping her arms around her body. If you're badly behaved, you don't get adopted. If you're bad, if you're not cheerful, obedient, helpful, they send you back. She was confused, trying to please everyone while also trying to be a modern feminist...but this guy didn't expect or demand anything, he didn't pressure her, or find a dozen ways to flex his power over her. He kept giving her space to be herself, treating her like an equal. She closed her eyes as he stepped closer.

Her body language was saying 'don't touch me', he took the hint, put his beer down and ambled off to look out the window at the city lights. 

“You say you don't have time for cultural revolution, that it distracts from actual revolution, but it's all interconnected. It's self defeating to try and have it both ways. I do things the way I do them because I'm trying to make point about what's normal and what people shouldn't be allowed to do to each other. A lot of the distinctions we make between people are arbitrary and about reinforcing preexisting power structures.” 

“You called me bossy and pushy,” Tammy reminded him. She decided hiding in the kitchen was stupid, and she went over to join him, sitting on the arm of the couch. 

“I don't like it when my friend yells at me. I'd feel the same way if, like, if Jerry did it. But I don't mind you getting all bossy when you're naked. Just to note, Dude You would be hot and I'd go for him too.”

“Oh...” It was a lot to take in, but none of it should have surprised her. She'd save her questions for later.

“You knew what you wanted, and you never asked for it, because good girls don't. I'm someone you never have to pretend with, I'm not gonna judge you, okay? Even if you ask for something I don't wanna do.” 

“The couch folds out,” Tammy said. 

“What?”

“It folds out. Into a bed. That's where I sleep.” She smiled up at him, Abbie shot her a sly look. “You can set that up while I go change into my jammies.”

“Hey, we should get married,” Abbie said while they cuddled on Bernadine's fold out couch after. 

“Alright. It's good PR, it shows that we do care about family values, and it means they can't make us-”

“Testify against each other,” Abbie finished. He cupped her face in his hand. “But I mean, I also think I love you, kind of.”

“I kind of think I love you too,” Tammy giggled. It was a relief, admitting that out loud. 

They were all sitting in Kunstler's office, watching Tammy's brother denouncing her on the evening news. 

“I didn't know you had a brother,”Abbie said. He looked up from his cereal bowl. Jerry was napping with his feet in Abbie's lap, and Rennie was quietly continuing to work on her list of the Vietnam dead. Dellinger was talking to his wife on the phone in the other room. 

“I don't know if I do, at this point. He thinks you violated and brainwashed his precious baby sister, who wasn't raised to have opinions.”

“You were like this way before we met,” Abbie said. 

“It's a common misconception, especially since the world found out I'm having a baby with you.” She was showing now, and they hadn't been able to hide it any longer. Tammy jabbed her finger at a photo in the local paper and accompanying caption. In the photo, Abbie held an umbrella over both of them as they ducked past the shouting crowd.“Abbie Hoffman shelters his pregnant wife from the rain as they enter the courthouse.”

“Those are all accurate words arranged in order,” Abbie said. “Are you embarrassed to be with me?” Tammy could see his defenses going up and that wasn't what she wanted at all. 

“No, _stop that_ , it's just, I used to be 'co defendant Tammy Hayden', now I'm 'Abbie Hoffman's pregnant wife'. Sometimes they're actually happy for us, and sometimes they're calling me a dirty slut, like you ruined me. But it's always me as an extension of you. Me as vessel for your offspring. Even calling me The First Lady of the New Left, which is supposed to be flattering, is actually kind of dismissive.”

“I hadn't noticed,” Abbie said, “Do you want me to say something next time?”

“ _Would you?_ I'd appreciate it. That's another thing, I wasn't prepared for how much control over their own lives and bodies pregnant women lose. I have people other than you and my doctor sticking their noses into my decisions and trying to argue with me about abortion. Total strangers questioning my religious values or saying they hope I, as one of those troublesome feminists, learn what it's like to lose a baby. It looks like a growing movement?” She wasn't going to mention the concerned letters from priests and pastors and heads of Ladies Against Women type groups, cautioning her about her interfaith marriage. Well, if they didn't stop it, it wasn't going to be an interfaith marriage for much longer. 

“The GOP are losing conservatives on segregation, and they can't let that happen,” Abbie replied. “This is the new grift. Doesn't work well with Jews, but it sure as hell works on white conservative Christians.” 

“It makes sense, if you think about it from the point of view of a horrible person,”Tammy said. “But why yell at me? I obviously didn't have an abortion and for God's Sake, I'm married. If anyone had asked, I'd tell them I didn't even want one.”

“You didn't consider it?” Abbie asked. He blinked. 

“For like, a minute. It didn't feel right for me. That's my choice based on what I believe. But those weird organizations waving inaccurate pictures of fetuses around and trying to stop women from getting birth control, that's seriously disturbing.” 

“It's not about babies lives, or they'd care more about giving children food and housing and healthcare, with no weird strings attached, ”Rennie commented. “And they certainly don't seem to care if black kids get any of that. It's about punishing people, specifically women, for having unmarried sex and for wanting to get jobs and divorces and college degrees. No coincidence these people are coming out of the woodwork now. I don't know what I'd choose if it was me, but it all seems kind of disingenuous. ” 

“Disingenuous. That's the word,” Tammy said. “Even a woman who wouldn't get an abortion should be able to see that their arguments are all in bad faith. How it's always a group of men getting to decide- no offense to present company- who don't know anything about how women work. And how the argument about the poor little babies only seems to apply to white girls above a certain income bracket like me, and not to women like Deborah Johnson. The same people who would happily line up around the block to adopt mine, would let hers die. I think you're both right, scratch the surface and these movements are being used as a wedge to manipulate poor,white, rural, Christians away from noticing anything else Republicans are doing.”

“It's a strategy aimed at the South,” Abbie said. “ It's only going to get more extreme, it's like watching a train wreck in slow motion.”

The day of their verdict arrived. They had done all that they could, it was up to the jury now. The defendants filed in, Tammy and Rennie arrived separately, since they were being held in a different facility. She hadn't seen Abbie in days, he looked pale and tired but he tried to give her a faint smile. She and Rennie had come up with a new plan, one that would allow Tammy to defend them all her own way. 

“Mrs. Hoffman, will you stand, please?” Judge Hoffman said. Audience members murmured in sympathy, watching her stand, gingerly holding her swollen belly. Judge Hoffman stared down at her like a school principal who's finally fed up. 

“Mrs. Hoffman, unlike the other defendants, you've shown this court consideration and proper respect. If you make a brief, remorseful apology to the court, in light of your...condition...we will consider leniency.” He was confident they'd be found guilty. 

“Brief and remorseful?” Tammy asked. She was supposed to be softer, weaker, more willing to comply because she was a young woman and a mother. But he had no understanding of what she'd already been put through because she was a young woman and a mother, or how angry she was about what had happened to Deborah. He didn't know that desperate women don't give up. 

“Yes.”

Tammy picked up the stack of papers Rennie handed her, that Rennie had been working on for months.

“Since this trial began, 4,752 troops have been killed in Vietnam. These are their names.” Tammy read each name out to the court, slowly and steadily,projecting her voice to the back of the room. She kept going even as her voice began to shake. She couldn't get distracted by the audience reacting behind her (some booing, many more cheering and clapping). Her vision blurred. She should have eaten something for breakfast. She pushed on. 

“Are you okay?” Rennie mouthed at her. Tammy nodded even as she swayed on her feet. The papers nearly slipped from her hands. She just had to concentrate on the-

She didn't remember anything after that but the room growing dark and horrified gasps from the gallery. 

Abbie saw Tammy fall to the floor and instinctively started to go to her. A bailiff stepped forward, ready to grab him if he tried. Someone up in the gallery had already run to phone an ambulance. 

“Mr. Hoffman, SIT. Mr. Rubin, do not move or I will hold you in contempt. You, boy!” The judge pointed his gavel at Rennie. 

“Me?” Rennie squeaked.

“Your Honor, that's a woman,” Kunstler interjected. 

“I can't tell anymore with you people,”Judge Hoffman snapped. “Go see if she's faking.” 

When Tammy woke, her limbs were heavy, as if she'd been pumped full of strong painkillers. It was day, and the room was filled with natural light, but she knew somehow, it was a different day than it had been when she was last conscious. The walls were painted a pale blue that she assumed was supposed to be calming, a color found in hospitals everywhere, and she was hooked up to beeping machines. Kuntsler was there, sitting alone by her bed. 

“What happened after I-?” Tammy asked. She touched her stomach to check on the baby, nothing felt weird or painful there. 

“Your co-defendants kept reading, passing it down the table. Some of them are in contempt of court but otherwise things are looking good for all of you. The doctors say Baby Hoffman is fine too, so you don't need to worry about that either.”

Tammy felt something metal wrapped around her wrist. She looked down, her left arm was handcuffed to the hospital bed rail. 

“None of us got a vote about that,”Kunstler said. 

“The court's just being vindictive. Where exactly do they think I'd try to run while I'm this pregnant? I'm not leaving my friends.” 

“But the good news is,” Kunstler continued, “It was a Not Guilty verdict despite the judge's efforts. You don't have to go back to prison. You can leave, under my supervision, once you're recovered.” He handed her a box of the things they'd taken from her at prison intake, her clothes, purse and wallet with ID, all in plastic packaging. Tammy picked up the brown envelope sitting among her personal effects and gave her lawyer a questioning look. This hadn't come into prison with her. 

“That's from Abbie.” The envelope contained a secondhand paperback copy of the first Anne of Green Gables book. He had been listening, when she told him how much the series meant to her as a child. She was grateful to her adopted parents, but she'd always wished they'd been less demanding and more accepting, like the Cuthberts were. On the inside cover, Abbie had written _For my bad ass woman (and yes, I read it, you're right, it's pretty good). Say yes to a real ceremony?_. He'd drawn an arrow pointing downward at the antique ring he'd taped to the page. 

“He didn't steal this, did he?”Tammy asked. 

“Apparently, it was his grandmother's,” Kunstler said. “What should I tell him? Or do you need time to decide?” 

“Tell him, yes,” Tammy replied. Of course the pregnancy hormones were making her all weepy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out this amazing obscure cover of Bob Dylan's [I Shall Be Released](https://youtu.be/sEZFt5ZZj9s) featuring Mama Cass, Mary Travers and Joni Mitchell. This song has been covered by a number of people but here's what's probably the most famous version by [ The Band](https://youtu.be/9WJ7ugZZtDo). 
> 
> Back when that big Chicago 7 documentary came out, “What if Tom Hayden was a girl?” was actually a fandom discussion, including the part about getting her name wrong (slash inclined viewers of the doc also came out of it shipping Abbie/Tom so definitely not just the movie). So apparently my idea didn't come out of nowhere, it was just hiding in my brain for years until the movie triggered it. But I do agree that the 2020 movie's lack of/poor use of female characters is a valid issue and that played a part in my choice to cisswap too. And I have a lot of headcanons about these people as girls, for some reason. 
> 
> I also have some ideas about how this version doesn't have to end in tragedy. Kidding. I don't :( 
> 
> Girl!Jerry will get a story of her own someday soon. And maybe there'll be an outtake featuring Tammy's "Black Panther tea party baby shower" (  
> [An article on Deborah Johnson (Akua Njeri)](https://www.oxygen.com/true-crime-buzz/akua-njeri-nee-deborah-johnson-carried-on-fred-hamptons-legacy). Fred Hampton appears briefly in Trial of the Chicago 7, and his own biopic, Judas and the Black Messiah, which is very good, is out now)
> 
> I added the "movie canon" tag even though these fics have a mix of information sources. Because you have to make sure people are aware you know the difference between the movie and real life (and stuff I just made up, because I did, don't use my fics as a source of facts).
> 
> I hope I've caught all the incidents of that minor character whose name I apparently can't spell. If I haven't, let me know, I guess.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from [this song](https://youtu.be/MaiT8gATzxc). I love that song and I've wanted to do something with it, in some sort of fanwork, for years. The other projects didn't really work out, so I used it here. Yes, I'm aware it's technically about Woodstock and was recorded in 1970.  
> [ Crispian St Peters, The Pied Piper](https://youtu.be/RFdSOppmkNw)  
> [ Petula Clark, Downtown](https://youtu.be/cTcqTXFfF_8)
> 
> In the Netflix movie version, as Tom is getting arrested the first time, the cop actually does appear to gleefully grope Eddie Redmayne while frisking him. I made it much worse, obviously. 
> 
> I haven't been able to fancast any of the female versions of these characters...but when I looked at how I described girl!Tom/Tammy and how girl!Rennie probably looks and I stood them next to each other, I couldn't unsee it. I'm trying to figure out a way to work the joke into the story. "The Chicago PD would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids!"


End file.
